


Like Ice

by ScarletEyesInTheNight123456789



Series: Windows Left Ajar [3]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: M/M, Sexual Content, Unhealthy Relationships, reference to canon-typical violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:14:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23672914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarletEyesInTheNight123456789/pseuds/ScarletEyesInTheNight123456789
Summary: Illumi realizes that his choices aren't logical when it comes to Hisoka.But maybe that doesn't bother him anymore.(This is a sequel to "Shadow in the Moonlight" and "Awakened". In order to get the most out of this oneshot, it would be best to read those oneshots first.)
Relationships: Hisoka & Illumi Zoldyck, Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck, Kalluto Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Killua Zoldyck & Illumi Zoldyck
Series: Windows Left Ajar [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1643944
Comments: 16
Kudos: 166
Collections: Hunter x Hunter





	Like Ice

Illumi has a difficult time sleeping that night. But when he does finally manage to fall asleep, his dreams are filled with that cumbersome clown.

Hisoka, with eyes like molten gold and lips like rose petals. His mouth works its way down slowly, wet and searing hot, from Illumi’s neck to his ribcage, and then lower, and even lower, but not quite where he wants it yet -

Illumi wakes up in the middle of the night, breathing heavily, feeling like he’s been doused in embers, despite the fact that it’s the dead of winter. It’s illogical to feel such maddening arousal over someone like Hisoka. It’s illogical to wish he were here right now to soothe the hardness pressing itself against the fabric of his pants.

And what makes even less sense is the fact that, when Illumi looks to his left, he sees a blue rose. That most certainly wasn’t there when he fell asleep.

Impossible. No one could have snuck in here without his knowledge. Well, except for . . . 

He scours the entire room, returning to his bed after finding nothing else out of place.

Whatever game Hisoka is playing, Illumi refuses to be a part of it. One minute, he can be all vindictive smiles and sinister words, making Illumi remember things he’d rather not. And the next minute, he can act as though nothing strange ever happened between them.

Texting him to leave him alone will only give him what he wants. The best way to starve a magician is to not give him the attention he craves.

And so, Illumi shuts his eyes to catch some more rest, but not before reaching below the sheets to stroke his desire away.

………………..

The next morning, Illumi places the blue flower on his nightstand, thinking that it might come in useful on a mission. For all he knows, he might end up needing to woo a woman (not that he knows how to do such a thing).

The entire time he gets dressed for Killua’s birthday party, he can’t help but feel a bit more conscious of his appearance than normal. 

Pretty was what Hisoka called him last night.

Illumi studies himself in his full-length mirror and tries to see what Hisoka sees when he looks at him. He runs a hand through the short dark hair falling into his large, doll-like eyes. Everything about him is delicate, from his pointed chin to his small and slender build - he could pass for nineteen, rather than the twenty-two-year-old he is. His usual white button-down and black dress pants are perfectly ironed and so unlike the outrageous clothing that Hisoka likes wearing. 

Illumi finally pries his eyes away from his reflection. Honestly. He shouldn’t give so much of a damn what the magician thinks of him. At the end of the day, Hisoka is nothing to him. And Illumi is going to act like he believes that.

But a wrench is thrown into that plan when he goes to leave his room, and finds a coral rose sitting on his doorknob.

Grabbing the rose by its stem, he feels something he hasn’t felt since he was Killua’s age, blood running down his hands as the needles prick him.

…….

Illumi may as well be invisible sometimes. And now is one of those times. 

Neither Killua nor Kalluto notices him standing in the open doorway, a wrapped gift in his hand. Killua usually pesters Illumi to give him his present early, but maybe he’s grown out of that habit.

They’re both lying on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. With a smirk, Killua whispers something into Kalluto’s ear, and the two immediately collapse into giggles. Blue and purple eyes are lit up and carefree.

Something inside of him feels hollow and empty. They don’t need him, and they never have.

Clearly, they made up at some point last night and stayed up far too late playing together. The bags under their eyes are evidence enough, not to mention the toy cars, coloring books, and crayons scattered all over the floor. 

What a contrast to what he and Hisoka get up to.

As if his thoughts are enough to summon the magician, a chaotic aura creeps up behind him, and a hand gently presses itself onto the small of his back. 

Illumi steps out of Hisoka’s touch, but his skin still buzzes with electricity as he turns to face him.

The periwinkle hair that Illumi had been getting accustomed to is now a rich violet. It brings out the dangerous fire in those eyes brimming with gold. Hisoka’s gaze starts at Illumi’s lips and blazes its way down his entire body, before roving back up to his eyes.

“Lovely as usual, I see,” he says under his breath, a remark only meant for Illumi’s ears.

Unusual choice of words for someone who nearly murdered him with a card last night.

Illumi’s completely aware that Kalluto and Killua have gone silent. “Grandfather didn’t say that he invited you.”

“Ah, but he did. Ask him yourself. And before you say anything, I _did_ come in through the front door this time.”

What the hell is wrong with him? Is Hisoka a robot that resets itself overnight, completely forgetting everything that’s happened between him and Illumi? 

Illumi’s patience can only take so much. His sanity can only take so much.

It unnerves him that Hisoka knows one of his secrets, the one regarding Kalluto. Hisoka can use it to his leverage anytime. He has a piece of Illumi that no one else does.

“I see you showed up without a present,” Illumi says. “But it’s understandable that you wouldn’t know what to buy. Considering your past, I’m sure you’re not in tune with the interests of a normal child.”

Hisoka isn’t smiling anymore. He’s trying to keep his expression blank, but a grimace is peeking through. 

_See? I can play your vindictive games too, Hisoka._

“Illumi. Don’t you have something for Killua?” He may not have much of a poker face, but his voice is remarkably calm. There’s something odd about the way he’s maintaining eye contact with Illumi. He’s waiting for something. 

“Killua, come.”

Illumi doesn’t like the way Killua’s eyes have settled on Hisoka, a stranger he’s never been introduced to. “Happy birthday,” says Illumi. 

Even when Killua accepts his brother’s hug, Illumi knows he’s looking over his shoulder at Hisoka. And when the wrapped box is placed in his hands, he hardly notices, his river-colored eyes lingering on Hisoka’s chiseled jawline and full lips. 

With Kalluto’s encouragement, the paper is torn off to reveal something that Illumi is positive he never bought.

He swears that he wrapped a telescope last night, one that would let Killua see the world without the need to wander far from home.

Instead, a skateboard falls out of the package. It’s branded with the hunter association’s logo, and Illumi can see an idea, a very dangerous idea, sparking in Killua’s mind as he traces the red-and-black insignia with awe.

Illumi knows Killua better than he knows himself. Right now, his brother’s sky-filled irises are glistening with the mental image of his very own hunter license in the palm of his hand, his silver hair rustling in the wind atop the World Tree. Adventures, friends, and newfound freedom . . . All of it is dangling in front of him.

_Is that what you’re trying to do, Hisoka? Destroy me by taking Killua away from me?_

“Thanks, Aniki. Never thought you’d get something like this.”

Illumi doesn’t respond to Killua, slipping out of the room silently, head bowed so that he doesn’t make eye contact with Hisoka.

………

Hisoka follows him all the way downstairs and across the grounds to where the tables have been set up, not a butler in sight. It’s one of those rare winter days where it may as well be summer. The weather in the Republic of Padokea is every bit as unusual as Hisoka’s silence.

Illumi’s never known Hisoka to be silent. The air is devoid of all teasing, idle chat, and twisted lies. 

Illumi tightens the string on a white balloon that’s been tied to the back of a chair. Hisoka’s observing him, his gaze caressing him, his aura flooding over with danger.

Flashbacks are stirring within him. Flashbacks from his own eleventh birthday. 

He remembers the cake, the presents, the balloons. 

And climbing over the gate. 

He blinks, Hisoka’s voice snapping him out of his reminiscences.

“What did you do with the roses, Illumi?”

Hisoka’s body heat envelops him from behind as he brushes a strand of hair away from his forehead. Illumi bats his hand away from him, for all the good that’ll do to keep Hisoka away from him.

“What do you think? I burned them.” 

Hisoka’s low chuckle vibrates through him. “My, my. Are you tempted to do the same to me?”

Illumi doesn’t say a word. He stares at the baby blue cake towering over the table, trying to focus on anything but the man beside him.

“You’re such a petty thing, Illu. Forever upset with me, aren’t you?” Hisoka’s lips brush the shell of his ear. “I wonder why.”

He wants to know why? 

Nothing’s funny about the situation. But a smile tugs at Illumi’s lips. “Your assumption about me yesterday was wrong.”

Hisoka’s words from their last encounter ring in his ears. _Just kidding. You don’t even know what you’re doing, do you?_

Illumi turns around, looking up to meet sharp yellow eyes and an amused smirk. 

“Spell it out for me,” says Hisoka.

Illumi’s patience runs out. 

His mouth meets Hisoka’s neck, sucking all the way down to his collarbone, hard enough to leave bruises. He’s never done this before – he feels like someone else, living a different life. Someone who isn’t Illumi Zoldyck, former heir of the Zoldyck estate. He takes a step back to meet golden eyes clouded over with lust and anticipation.

Hisoka speaks with shuddering breaths. “You want to be caught.”

Illumi tugs at the scarlet collar of Hisoka’s shirt, pulling him down. Illumi’s back rests against the soft grass, and Hisoka hovers over him, bracing himself with his muscled arms on either side of Illumi’s, just like yesterday.

“Trying to prove something?” Hisoka asks softly, his hips brushing slightly against Illumi’s, causing his breath to quicken, and his body to ignite.

A humorless smile comes over Illumi once more. “Is it so hard to believe that I just want you to fuck me?”

Hisoka blinks. He’s shocked for a second, but only a second.

Hisoka tugs Illumi’s zipper down in one swift motion. He opts to tear the buttons off, instead of meticulously undoing them. The surrounding fabric is torn, and Illumi’s aching skin kisses the summer-like heat.

He arches into the soft grass, hips reflexively thrusting up when Hisoka’s fingers gently caress his arousal. Hisoka lowers his head to meet Illumi’s hips, and his tongue brushes along his length, electrocuting him into place. 

Nothing has and can ever compare to this. Nothing.

But it’s not enough. Hisoka always toys with him - what ever made him think now would be any different?

There he is, pulling away from Illumi, still fully dressed, mischief in the curve of his succulent mouth.

Illumi tugs at Hisoka’s sleeve frustratedly. He’s about to demand answers, when he realizes what’s going on.

 _This is how you take your revenge, is it?_ This is what he gets for bringing up Hisoka’s childhood, for questioning him about Aika.

Voices are sounding in the distance. 

“There, there. The eldest Zoldyck son needs to maintain his usual prim and proper appearance, yes?” Illumi shakes with the weight of his unmet desires. Hisoka rights his clothing for him, smoothing a hand through his hair, that same vindictive smile gracing his features. 

Illumi stands up with difficulty and collapses into a chair, trying to calm his panting, trying not to fidget, trying not to look at the man who has taken a seat beside him.

Just as Amane arrives around the corner with Zeno, Kalluto, and the birthday boy himself in tow, Illumi notices the fresh red marks gleaming on Hisoka’s neck.

He’s not using Texture Surprise. _He wants to get me in trouble._

“Boo!” Kalluto appears between Illumi and Hisoka’s chairs, grinning from ear to ear. He loves that trick, even though it doesn’t work very well in a family of assassins.

Killua takes a seat across from them, eyes lingering on Hisoka, who doesn’t give him the time of day. If he did, Illumi would strangle him. 

Resentment builds within Illumi. Hisoka is just another incentive for Killua to run away, to want to see the world. Hisoka is a taste of the strangeness of the outside world that Killua knows nothing about. He’s just one of the many people he has yet to meet.

Will Hisoka be the one to make Killua leave the family for good?

Kalluto hugs Illumi, startling him out of his thoughts. “I love you, Illu-nii,” he says. Illumi never understands how his youngest brother can be so affectionate at such random times, especially after everything he’s been put through. He looks over Kalluto’s head of dark hair to see Hisoka subtly raising an eyebrow.

“I love you too, Kalluto.” Illumi responds the way he always does - quietly, with a near monotone and ice around his heart. 

He doesn’t need to look at Hisoka to know what he’s thinking. _Oh really? You still love him, even after you nearly broke him?_

Illumi stands up, grateful that his shirt is long enough to cover his missing pant buttons. He wanders over to the far side of the table, under the guise of pouring himself some lemonade. In truth, he doesn’t much like anything with sugar in it.

His grandfather joins him, and Illumi doesn’t meet his gaze, doesn’t want to know his reaction to whatever he’s caught on to.

Zeno grips Illumi’s wrist tightly - enough to hurt, enough to be a warning sign. “It’s been over ten years since your slip-up. You’ve changed for the better since then. Don’t let any silly feelings be your undoing.”

That’s all he says before walking away.

Illumi looks toward the sun. He hasn’t been tempted to escape his family in years. His grandfather has nothing to fear.

No, that’s a lie.

Because, the truth is, meeting Hisoka a year ago shook the course of his destiny. Despite his mind games and cruelty, he’s always been there for Illumi, an escape from the life he’s been locked into since birth.

Maybe Zeno has reason to worry. Maybe Illumi will let Hisoka lead him to his own destruction.

Maybe he’ll follow Hisoka past the gates of the Zoldyck estate, and not regret it one bit.

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a gift for everyone during quarantine! Let me know what you think in a comment. Opinions, analyses, favorite quotes - anything, really. I appreciate all the kudos and comments that have been left for my other works in this series.


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